The Parent Line

Holidays can be exciting and fun-filled, but also stressful and upsetting. As parents, we often put extra demands on ourselves, and find ourselves moving too fast, and doing too much. To keep your holidays as calm and as enjoyable as possible, keep some simple ideas in mind:

Decide what activities YOU most want to do, and let go of the others. "Less is more" with little children, because they are easily over stimulated, and can get upset and irritable.
Keep to regular routines as much as possible. Predictable times for meals, naps, and bed are very important. Children need and expect these, and they will be less cranky and tired if they know what to expect. If possible. For example, if you are visiting Auntie's house, and it is nap time, you might say, "after snack, we'll rest in Auntie's room today."
Talk with your children ahead of time about new experiences they may be facing or new places or activities that may come up. Give them time to ask questions. For example, if you are going to visit Santa, let them know what he will look like, and what will happen. Let them know you will be right there. If possible, go early so your children can see and watch others. If your children just feel too timid or don't want to, don't push. Remember, the goal is to enjoy and feel happy about the experience.
Because holiday activities are often so different from "the usual" routines, help your children transition from one activity to the next. Give advance notice of changes that are about to happen. For example, five minutes before you need to move on, you might say, "we need to stop playing in a little while because we're going to visit Grandpa now." This allows time for the misbehavior will help create a sense of calm. For example, if your children to finish up and get ready to leave. Young children's understanding of time is focused on the "here and now"-that is why they need help in these transitions.
· The need to feel in control is important for all of us, but for young children, especially so. During holiday times when so much is new and different, the more of a sense of control a child has, the better. Providing appropriate choices whenever possible is one way to support a sense of control. For example, if you were making decorations, you might say, "Would you like to put the glue on the balls, or sprinkle on the glitter?"
Most importantly, paying attention to appropriate behavior and ignoring minor child takes scraps from wrapping paper to the trash can on his own, you might say, "You helped clean up so nicely! Thanks!" At another time, if tiredness or hunger causes whining or tantrums, try not to overreact; calmly respond with providing a place to rest and something to eat. Remember that your children will feel a sense of security and love by being given age-appropriate routines and nurturance, and will respond well to this.

Q: My son doesn't seem to be eating as much as he used to. I'm worried. Meal-time is always a fight. What should I do?

A decrease in appetite is normal for toddlers and preschoolers. Many parents become concerned, but an increase in appetite usually follows a growth spurt and a decrease follows a leveling-off of growth. Children at this age are often "grazers," preferring very small meals frequently to standard three meals a day which adults are used to. Some children are naturally picky eaters. Most children experience a decrease in appetite when they are sick or overly tired. Be careful not to fall into the habit of bribing or threatening your child to get him to eat.

1. Remember, what foods your child chooses depends on the foods make available and how much he eats is his choice. Provide healthy snacks such as fruit, veggies, and yogurt, and have regular meal and snack times. Be careful not to nag.

2. Big helpings can be discouraging, so serve small portions. Make sure your child feels comfortable asking for "seconds." Likes and dislikes change very frequently at this age so don't overstock on an item.

3. Make mealtime fun for example, it could be a time for sharing what happened during the day and for listening to each other. Keep the focus off the food itself.

4. Give your child and family about 30 minutes for mealtime. Then clear the table, even if your child isn't eating. Five minutes before clearing the table, calmly let your child know that the meal is almost over and that he needs to finish if he's hungry. Don't hover, nag, or bribe. Put whatever is left on his plate on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator for him to eat later if he gets hungry. If he doesn't eat it, clean the plate and start again the next day.

5. Clean up quietly without a fuss. Once your child senses that there is less pressurefrom you, he will be more likely to eat what he needs to. A book you might enjoy which helps to explain children's eating habits is How To Get Your Kid To Eat... But Not Too Much by Ellyn Satter. She is also the author of Child of Mine: Feeding With Love and Good Sense.

It is not too early for preschoolers to begin to understand that the holidays are about giving to others and sharing. It might be fun to start a family ritual of making homemade holiday cards or goodies to share with others at a neighborhood school or church, or to give to someone who does not have family living nearby. Let your child help with decorating and making projects to share with others. This may turn into one of your child's most cherished childhood memories and could be a lasting lesson on the importance of sharing.

The Parent Line: Free statewide phone line for parents and others caring for children. Call for support, encouragement, information, and ideas about handling behavior or about community resources. Mon-Fri 8 a.m.-6 p.m. and Sat 9 a.m.-1p.m. O'ahu Ph. 526-1222. Neighbor Island parents call toll-free: 1-800-816-1222.

H-KISS information line for parents of children 0-3 with special needs. Hours are Monday - Friday 8:30 a.m. - 3:00 p.m. O'ahu: 594-0066; Neighbor Island parents may call toll free: 1-800-235-5477.